Gerry
Goertzen
Author
of
Relational
Triumph
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Life
is
stressful.
That’s
inevitable.
It’s
a
factor
of
the
human
condition.
All
of
us
face
it,
and
the
human
spirit
looks
for
opportunities
to
regain
a
sense
of
balance
and
wholeness
in
ways
that
remove
or
at
lease
calm
the
fret
and
worry.
Concerns
seem
to
pile
up
more
quickly
than
we
can
find
solutions.
So
we
turn
our
attention
to
something,
or
perhaps
many
things,
that
will
hopefully
work
a
miracle
in
our
sad
or
tired
soul.
Some
stress-busting
strategies
work
in
healthy
ways,
but
others
fail
to
calm
the
human
spirit.
Yet
the
pursuit
of
relief
is
inevitable.
So,
what
is
it
that
you
turn
to?
Does
it
work?
Does
it
give
you
a
lasting
and
meaningful
sense
of
solace,
or
is
it
merely
temporary?
Not
all
stress
is
bad.
In
fact,
we
need
some
stress
to
motivate
us,
to
inspire
us,
and
to
simply
keep
us
aware.
Even
when
exciting
things
happen,
such
as
a
wage
increase,
a
vacation,
or
the
renewal
of
an
old
friendship,
we
can
experience
symptoms
of
stress.
These
positive
experiences
generate
a
feeling
known
as
eustress
(meaning
“well”
or
“good”)
and
cause
a
chemical
release
in
our
body
similar
to
when
distress
occurs.
The
founding
director
of
the
Stress
Reduction
Clinic
at
the
University
of
Massachusetts
says,
“Both
[eustress
and
distress]
can
be
equally
taxing
on
the
body,
and
arecumulative
in
nature,
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depending
on
a
person’s
way
of
adapting
to
a
changethat
has
caused
it.
The
body
itself
cannot
physically
discern
between
distress
and
eustress.”
On
occasion,
when
things
heat
up
in
a
hurry,
we
experience
the
fight-or
flight
response.
If
properly
acted
on,
this
reaction
to
sudden
stress
can
be
extremely
helpful.
For
example,
if
you
encounter
a
bear
in
the
woods,
your
body
will
undergo
an
instantaneous
flood
of
chemicals
that
boost
your
energy
and
alertness
so
that
hopefully
you
can
outrun
or
outsmart
the
bear.
Anytime
something
is
a
threat
to
us,
we
have
this
onboard
mechanism
to
help
us
survive.
So
we
need
to
keep
in
mind
that
a
stress
response
is
natural
and,
in
many
situations,
positive.
We
need
it.
It
can
help
keep
us
alive.
And
the
more
we
are
aware
of
its
purpose,
the
better
we
can
manage
our
way
out
of
the
trouble
or
crisis.
Just
the
thought
of
going
home
to
face
her
parents’
rage
caused
Sandy
to
panic.
She
longed
to
be
accepted
and
supported,
but
was
fully
expecting
to
be
shamed
and
rejected.
She
was
overwhelmed
by
fear.
Her
heart
was
pounding,
and
she
felt
faint
and
had
to
be
taken
to
the
hospital.
Her
panic
response
was
triggered
by
a
need
to
survive
in
the
midst
of
dread,
and
it
literally
brought
her
to
the
hospital
where
she
would
receive
care
and
support.
Sandy’s
situation
illustrates
the
point
that
when
a
person’s
sense
of
wellbeing
is
at
risk,
they
will
often
respond
in
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ways
meant
to
provide
a
sense
of
security
and
belonging.
The
particular
response
may
be
understandable
but
not
always
beneficial.
In
many
cases
it’s
a
reaction
far
more
intense
than
what
the
situation
deserved.
The
condition
of
our
most
significant
relationships
will
infl
uence
how
we
cope
with
stress.
When
we
feel
fulfilled
and
lavished
with
love,
we
are
more
likely
to
respond
to
stress
in
a
moderate
or
composed
way.
But
when
feeling
empty,
deprived
of
love,
or
worse,
discarded,
we
will
react
in
self-protective
ways
designed
to
defend
our
longing
for
security
and
signifi
cance.
It’s
important
to
understand
that
the
substance
of
our
relationships
will
either
promote
or
obstruct
the
fulfillment
of
these
needs.
The
state
of
your
relationship
is
like
a
barometer
giving
you
information
about
the
degree
to
which
your
need
for
safety
and
belonging
is
being
met.
I
often
see
people
whose
relationship
quotient
is
low,
and
they
are
trying
to
gain
a
sense
of
wholeness
in
the
pursuit
of
another
glass
of
alcohol,
a
new
wardrobe,
the
accumulation
of
money,
an
ultimate
vacation,
and
so
on.
However,
those
experiences
are
a
poor
substitution,
unable
to
fill
one’s
heart
like
a
relationship
does.
It
just
doesn’t
work
that
way.
Simply
put,
as
much
as
I
like
my
lawn
tractor,
the
likelihood
of
it
truly
validating
my
most
important
needs
is
pretty
much
nil.
I
need
people,
and
so
do
you.
But
since
people
also
bring
stress
into
our
lives,
we
need
to
learn
how
to
manage
the
stress
(not
the
people)
so
that
it
doesn’t
manage
us.
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Relational
Triumph
Our
Most
Important
Needs
Chapter
2,
pg.
9
-
12
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